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3 misunderstood beliefs engagement ring buyers hold which prevent them from getting the best engagement ring

Lydia McCarthy-Keen

3 misunderstood beliefs engagement ring buyers hold which prevent them from getting the best engagement ring
4 minute read...
The best engagement ring has the biggest rock, for the smallest price.
A big diamond engagement ring will get stuck under my gloves.

I'm heavy-handed - if the diamond sticks up too high, I might bash it and damage it.
Sound familiar?
These are just some of the top ten beliefs professional, London-based couples face when it comes to choosing, designing, or wearing their engagement ring - beliefs which hold them back from getting what they really want, or cause them to choose something they later regret.
In this post, I'm going cover the three most detrimental of the misunderstood beliefs, including a formula for choosing the perfect engagement ring.
So let's dive into the beliefs, and how to choose the best engagement ring for you.
3 misunderstood beliefs engagement ring buyers hold which prevent them from getting the best engagement ring
Belief One:

I don't know how to choose an engagement ring or what is going to suit me/my girlfriend.
This misunderstood belief has to come first, as it's inevitably where many couples start their engagement ring journey.
Holding this belief can leave couples vulnerable to professional sales pitches, 'deals', or choosing an engagement ring they later come to think of as unremarkable or not unique
If you're reading this and thinking, ''I know exactly what I want,'' hear me out.
I've lost count of the number of couples I've worked with who've changed their minds when it came to the crunch. They did so for a myriad of important, but little understood reasons which I cover in another post.
Believing you don't know how to determine which engagement ring is best stems from a lack of awareness in understanding your own/your girlfriend's aesthetic, which stems from either: 
a) No research, or overwhelm from deep, but ultimately ineffective research
b) Not knowing how to approach the subject in an organised, systematic way that guarantees the best engagement ring result
This is not your fault.
It's because you're too close to the subject and don't have access to the 60,000ft view - the view you'd have if you were looking back at your choice 5, 10, or even 20 years after choosing your engagement ring.
If you find yourself unsure which engagement ring is best or how to start, use the Three S's Formula for how to choose an engagement ring.
The Three S's Formula
Style | Store | Spend
The overlap within the diagram is the key.
The 3 S's formula venn diagram for how to choose the best engagement ring
If you:
  • SPEND the right amount, find a great STORE, but you/your girlfriend hates the STYLE, it's not a happy ending
  • STORE is right, STYLE is perfect, but the SPEND is a detrimental to your long term financial wellbeing, it's not a happy ending  
  • STYLE is perfect, SPEND is right, but the STORE isn't thinking about your interests long term, it's not a happy ending  
Another point to bear in mind, is that the THREE S's Formula also relates to SELFOTHER, and WORLD.
The 3 S''s formula for how to buy an engagement ring venn diagram
Spend Questions largely centre on the self, as in, the buyer.
It's about how much ''I, as a person, who questions the financial investment of metal and rock, who works hard and has other dreams and plans, has to bend and accommodate to acquire this expensive thing''. It can feel like a burden.
(There is of course overlap with style, in that you want her to be happy, and to create something unique to her).
Style Questions largely relate to the other, as in, the wearer.

Her hopes, dreams, and fantasies as a woman in a loving relationship. The extent to which such a gift makes her feel known, loved, and treasured. The extent to which she feels happy and proud to show her ring to others.
(There is of course overlap with spend, in that your finances are intertwined).

Store Questions largely centre on your money as an energy in the world.
Whom you exchange that money with impacts your own relationship (if you have trouble with the store, it casts a shadow.
If you accidentally buy a blood diamond or dirty gold, your energy (money) causes distress when it could instead have caused happiness.
(There is of course overlap with both style and spend, in terms of the aesthetic and quality your chosen store tends to produce).
Striking a balance between the Three S's is the most effective way to approach your research, and honours both the practical, visual, and emotional elements that concern both people within the couple, their wants, dreams, and needs.
When I work with my own clients on a bespoke engagement ring, I apply the Three S's to every element of the design process, fully-guiding them through the steps to achieve the perfect engagement ring for them.

To find out more, click here

Belief Two:

The best engagement ring is the one which has the biggest rock, for the smallest price.
It's really common for men in particular to think that a big diamond is really important. While it is important for some women, in my experience, it's not the determining factor.

This misunderstood belief can lead guys to buy big but non-sparkly diamond as a way to buy a cheaper stone, to buy a bigger diamond than their girlfriend requires, or to overstretch their budget in a way that is inappropriate for them.

Women want 2 things out of an engagement ring:

1) A stylish ring that suits their handshape (above all else)
2) A size that matches what is deemed beautiful by her peer group (not bigger, not smaller)

Bigger than her peer group makes her feel self-conscious - 'too flashy'.

Smaller than her peer group makes her feel inadequate - 'he doesn't know me'.

How to tell?

If your lady is university educated and works in finance, law, tech, or is an entrepreneur, her peer group wears diamonds ranging from 1.5 - 3 carats, depending on the pay-cheques associated with her firm and potential for income growth.

If your lady works in the civil service, a charity, is a teacher, NHS doctor or similar, 1 - 1.5 carats is more appropriate - it's big enough to count, but won't make her feel overly flashy where people are on a more modest income.

Be aware that the 3 S's Formula also dictates which size of diamond will best suit her fingers and handshape.
Belief Three:

I am limited with what I can wear - I don't know which is the best engagement ring for fat fingers.
I love this misunderstood belief, because it's so easy to help women get the best engagement ring for fat fingers, long fingers, and short fingers with a little professional knowhow.
Again, the systematic approach to apply is the STYLE element of the 3 S's Formula as outlined in belief one above:
STYLE - Do you love it? Does it suit you? Is it durable enough to last?
If your engagement ring makes you feel uncomfortable about your chubby fingers or shape of your hands, it doesn't matter how much it costs, or how beautiful the diamond is - it's not right for you
I worked with a client recently, (testimonial here) who believes she has enormous hands and fat fingers
During the design process in which I apply the 3 's Formula, we found from her hand ratios that her measurements were in fact on the smaller side of average, although her handspan was wider than average, leading her to believe her fingers were fat.
For years, she's held the false belief that her hands were like shovels and it caused her to lose confidence, to avoid painting her nails, and to worry that her engagement ring would never suit her as much as it would someone else.
This is such horrible baggage to carry around when our hands are arguably the most precious part of our anatomy and many diamond miners have lost their hands as a result of blood diamonds (more info on how we support victims of blood diamonds here).
A systematic application of the STYLE element of the 3's Formula meant we created an oval solitaire engagement ring with an ultra slim band to balance her hand, focussing on a larger diamond to direct the eye.
To compensate for the increased price tag of a big diamond, we sourced an excellent lab grown diamond with high colour and clarity, that saved her more than 50% on a comparable natural diamond and she reports feeling far happier about her hands as a result of completing the 3 S's Formula.
I focus specifically on balancing the handshape with all my bespoke engagement ring clients, and it's something we at Lydia McCarthy-Keen London specialise in.
If you want to explore working with me, visit us here and book in for a short chat.
We work to our client's budget, and all advice is free, so there's no need to be scared or embarrassed to ask for help!

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